I am The Movie Dweeb, and by law, I need to know every film that has ever existed and ever will exist.

However – and don’t judge me – I’ve only seen, like, 18 minutes of James Bond. Not 18 minutes, like, today… But ever. From the whole franchise.

I know – I can’t really call myself The Movie Dweeb, can I? I should find a new hobby. What else do I do? Maybe I could be The Blinking Dweeb™?

When Benedict Townsend joined me on The Movie Dweeb Podcast, I knew he’d be perfect to broaden my knowledge on all things 007, as he is a huge, huge fan of the franchise (to, like, a scary extent.)

I wanted to put Benedict’s fandom to the test, by quizzing him on his beloved franchise, which is a bit rich coming from me, seeing as I only just found out Bond was a spy. I don’t know why; I just assumed he was a painter-decorator from Scunthorpe.

After effortlessly telling me about the entire history of Miss Moneypenny, Dame Shirley Bassey’s discography and, oddly, Scaramanga’s third nipple, things heated up when Benedict was quizzed on the kill count in You Only Live Twice.

Sadly for Benedict – yet, brilliantly for me and my views – he couldn’t identify which Bond film had the highest number of deaths, and therefore had to make a public apology to the cast and crew of his adored franchise.

“To Barbara Broccoli, to Michael G. Wilson, to Bond,” pleaded Benedict. “I want to offer my heartiest apologies. If I could be whipped in the balls – perhaps I should be. I’m 00-sorry.”

Rather upsettingly, I think Benedict’s now blown his chances at every playing the British spy. Which is gutting because I’m pretty sure I saw him in second place, just behind Aaron Taylor-Johnson in the bookies’ odds.

That or I just imagined it. What do you want from me? Reliable news? Pfft.