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Here’s Who’d Win An Oscar If None Of The Nominees Were Nominated

Posted by The Movie Dweeb on

This year, thanks to a little something you may or may not be aware of, called coronavirus, 2021’s Oscars have been pushed back.

And yet they still couldn’t get the nominations right. I MEAN, WHERE – IN THE SWEET, DAMNED, MERCILESS HELL WAS DELROY LINDO’S NOM?

So, in the interest of fairness, I’ve reimagined a world where Mank wasn’t, like, in the running for everything, and instead only nominated people who didn’t get a nomination this year.

Best Picture

It’s at this point that I usually flip my laptop into a river, after being so disgusted at the Best Picture nominations. Luckily for me – after seeing Da 5 Bloods, Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom and One Night in Miami snubbed – I was nowhere near open water, and instead flung my Mac into oncoming traffic. It was a lot more durable.

  • Borat Subsequent Moviefilm
  • Da 5 Bloods
  • Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom
  • News of the World
  • One Night in Miami
  • Soul

Best Director

Read the above statement, but replace ‘Da 5 Bloods’, ‘Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom’ and ‘One Night in Miami’ with Regina King, Regina King and Regina King.

  • Aaron Sorkin, The Trial of the Chicago 7
  • Florian Zeller, The Father
  • Regina King, One Night in Miami
  • Shaka King, Judas and the Black Messiah

Best Actor

Chadwick Boseman was an unbelievable triumph in Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom; I could never take that away from him – in fact, regardless of who he was up against, he would win that post-humous Oscar. I JUST WISH HE WAS AGAINST DELROY LINDO. (Did I mention that already?)

  • Delroy Lindo, Da 5 Bloods
  • Mads Mikkelsen, Another Round
  • Sacha Baron Cohen, Borat Subsequent Moviefilm
  • Tahar Rahim, The Mauritanian
  • Tom Hanks, News of the World

Best Actress

Sigh. Welcome to another instalment of ‘Nope. Amy Adams Hasn’t Won An Oscar Yet’.

  • Amy Adams, Hillbilly Elegy
  • Kate Winslet, Ammonite
  • Sophia Loren, The Life Ahead
  • Yeri Han, Minari
  • Zendaya, Malcom & Marie

Best Supporting Actor

  • Bill Murray, On the Rocks
  • David Strathairn, Nomadland
  • Frank Langella, The Trial of the Chicago 7
  • Glynn Turman, Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom
  • Stanley Tucci, Supernova

Best Supporting Actress

  • Dominique Fishback, Judas and the Black Messiah
  • Ellen Burstyn, Pieces of a Woman
  • Helena Zengel, News of the World
  • Jodie Foster, The Mauritanian
  • Saoirse Ronan, Ammonite

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