When it comes to watching a Disney movie, you want some light-hearted quips; a couple of colourful musical numbers; and absolutely zero scenes containing a reference to anything vaguely homosexual, right?

Rumour has it that the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have just been lurking outside nearby Cineworlds for those who have just seen the live-action remake of Beauty and the Beast.

Several cinemas have banned screenings of Emma Watson and Dan Stevens’ reimagining; fans have vowed to boycott the movie in their thousands; and – most importantly – loads of angry eggs on Twitter have attacked Walt Disney with death threats. I won’t tell them if you won’t.

There are many reasons to watch the movie; one of which being what homosexual atrocity Josh Gad’s LeFou could have possibly committed. And – SPOILER ALERT…

He danced with another man for all of three seconds. That – erm, that’s it. Not a huge man-on-man-on-man-on-man orgy, but a sign that Disney’s taking a step in the right direction. In fact, this interaction was allegedly a nod to Howard Ashman, a lyricist for the original 1991 movie, who died of AIDs.

Following the news that so many fans were irate about a man boogying beside another man – and not the fact that Hermione copped off with an 8-foot horned Yeti beast-thing – I hired several of NASA’s scientists to conduct a study and determine, well, if you’re thick.