Should the director of the 2022 Academy Awards be reading this – and I assume they probably are – I mean no disrespect when I say the following.

You’ve really effed it up this year, haven’t you?

From deliberately omitting valuable awards from the televised ceremony, to forgetting to invite lead characters from nominated movies, in place of the likes of Tony Hawk and DJ Khaled, you’ve really done a number on this ceremony.

Fortunately, aside from Denis Villeneuve and Lady Gaga’s snubs, I wasn’t too shocked by the nominees this year, but – much like every year – I’ve chosen to live in a reality where the current nominees, well, weren’t.

And instead am nominating only films, directors and actors who weren’t nominated…

Best Picture

• Being the Ricardos
• House of Gucci
• No Time to Die
• Parallel Mothers
• Spider-Man: No Way Home
• tick, tick…BOOM!

Best Director

• Adam McKay, Don’t Look Up
• Denis Villeneuve, Dune
• Guillermo del Toro, Nightmare Alley
• Joel Coen, The Tragedy of Macbeth
• Sian Heder, CODA

Best Actor

• Bradley Cooper, Nightmare Alley
• Cooper Hoffman, Licorice Pizza
• Leonardo DiCaprio, Don’t Look Up
• Mahershala Ali, Swan Song
• Peter Dinklage, Cyrano

Best Actress

• Alana Haim, Licorice Pizza
• Emelia Jones, CODA
• Jennifer Hudson, Respect
• Jodie Comer, The Last Duel
• Lady Gaga, House of Gucci

Best Supporting Actor

• Al Pacino, House of Gucci
• Ben Affleck, The Tender Bar
• Bradley Cooper, Licorice Pizza
• Jamie Dornan, Belfast
• Mike Faist, West Side Story

Best Supporting Actress

• Caitríona Balfe, Belfast
• Cate Blanchett, Nightmare Alley
• Marlee Matlin, CODA
• Rita Moreno, West Side Story
• Ruth Negga, Passing