When I first asked my girlfriend out on a date, she accepted… After rejecting me 18 times in a row. I thought that was the definition of ‘postponing’, but apparently not.
If you look up ‘postponed’ in a dictionary, you’ll just see a photo of Jared Leto slowly sobbing into the suckers on his hands.
(Seriously, in the 90s Spider-Man cartoon, Morbius had these weird butthole lumps on his hands… Just look.)
Morbius has been postponed more times than I’ve had hot dinners. It’s been postponed six times. Yes, I have only had five hot dinners. It’s sad, I know.
The dark superhero film was originally set for release on July 10, 2020, and after the pandemic – which, let’s face it, if I need to elaborate for you, you’ve led a pretty good life – has been pushed back several times and is (so far) looking at a final release on 1 April, 2022.
Which is April Fool’s Day. I’m starting to think this film never, ever existed, y’know?
You’re reading these words on the internet, a place where every user is kind and considerate, and would never mock issues like these. Never. Not once. Not a single person.
Who am I even trying to kid? The internet’s full of piss-takers, including Dylan O’Brien and the rest of these guys…
And there I was, thinking I was smart speaking to Tyrese Gibson about Morbius back in November, 2021. By the time this film’s released, YouTube will be an obsolete medium, and scholars will be deciphering that interview for research…