Hi.

Erm… How are you? The weather’s okay, isn’t it?

Sorry – I appreciate this isn’t how I usually open my articles, but I’m nervous. Y’see, I recently gave Wonder Woman 1984 a very good review, and it’s become evident that if you do that, on the internet, people will come for your blood.

So, for the benefit of my safety, I have never, EVER seen Wonder Woman 1984. I never intend on seeing it, despite how much fun it is. And I definitely don’t know who Gal Gadot or Patty Jenkins are.

Even if I have recently hung out with them.

If I had have seen Wonder Woman 1984, I may have thought that Gal Gadot was born to play Wonder Woman, and would have asked director, Patty Jenkins, about why she’s so perfect for the role. But I didn’t, because I haven’t seen Wonder Woman 1984.

If I had have asked Patty about that, she probably would have said “What makes Gal the perfect person is that she actually looks like Wonder Woman, so that’s amazing and bizarre. It’s when you’re not watching Gal that she’s doing more Wonder Woman things than you can believe.

“She’s taking care of everybody’s kids, and then she’s cooking and then she’s being thoughtful, and she’s doing 500,000 things at the same time.” (It kind of explains why I didn’t get the role of Wonder Woman, doesn’t it?)

But I haven’t seen Wonder Woman 1984, so I’ll probably never ask Patty Jenkins that question. Nope. Never seen it. Please don’t come for me, internet.