Just to let you know, this post will undoubtedly contain spoilers. I thought I should pre-warn you, because I’d rather mess with 18 rabid sharks with lasers for eyes than Marvel fanboys.
Combined, over 2,046 characters died in The Lord of The Rings: Return of the King, Kingdom of Heaven and 300. Yet Marvel’s most recent cinematic experience, Avengers: Infinity War, makes those films look like an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.
For the past six years, the MCU have been building up to see what Thanos (or as I like to call him, The Violet Chin) will do once he’s acquired all of the Infinity Stones. With the stones, he could have finished construction on the much-needed car park at my local Tesco. But instead, he thought it would be better to kill of pretty much every Avenger going.
No. I’m not crying. Piss off. You don’t know me. I have dust in my eyes… Admittedly, it’s the dust of all of the deceased Avengers after Thanos burst them into a puff of powder. Great. Now I am crying.
Now Thanos managed to wipe out the likes of Gamora, Vision and Loki – three skilled, athletic heroes in the MCU, but you – some pleb reading this on your sofa, presumably covered in cookie crumbs – may survive the Mad Titan’s attacks. Simply head to the website DidThanosKill.Me, and you’ll find out in the time it took Thanos to click his fingers and wipe out half of humanity.
Oh, and you thought refreshing the page would alter your outcome? Pfft. Good luck with that. I bet you feel worse than Peter Parker right now.