Ryan Reynolds pleasures me in a way that no other man could. I know what that sounds like, but I am of course talking about his incredible acting, his hilarious quick witticisms, and the occasional oral sex he performs on me.
Now, he’s really outdone himself.
The actor, known for roles in R.I.P.D., The Change-Up and Green Lantern*, uploaded the first teaser to Deadpool 2, which debuted before screenings of Logan. It’s only a matter of minutes before it’s uploaded on PornHub. (Shut up. That was my idea. I want to be a meme on The LADBible, gottit?!)
The clip – just shy of four minutes – is everything Deadpool should be. Filmed outside a cinema (obviously showing Logan) see Wade Wilson catch glimpse of a mugging, and in true fashion, dashes to a nearby phone booth for a biblical superhero transformation. Only, being Deadpool, it doesn’t go to plan; even if the Superman theme tune does play throughout.
Long story short; the old man’s shot before Deadpool can intervene. But there’s no dark, brooding Deadpool glaring out of rainy windows; no snarling, growling voices shouting “WHERE IS SHE?!” Just another one of Ryan’s nipple-erectingly fantastic comedy deliveries.
“I’m so sorry. I spent way too long in the phone booth,” Deadpool says, as he lies by the dead body. “If I’m being honest with myself, I probably should’ve just called 911… The fuck is a phone booth doing on a street corner? Didn’t those just disappear in ’98?”
And that’s not enough reason to get excited? A) Get out of my life. I don’t need that negativity. B) The phone booth in question hints that “Nathan Summers Comming Soon!”. This fuels the rumours that the time-travelling mutant, Cable, will be making an appearance. But which actor could possibly play the silver-haired hero? It would have to be someone with connections to Ryan and Hugh Jackman, surely.
See? See what I did there?
Deadpool 2 is said to be released on 2 March 2018.
*Is anyone else wondering how Ryan Reynolds actually makes a living based on this filmography?!