Countries are going to war with one another, protests are happening daily and rifts are happening all across the planet. So why the living hell is Disney deliberately trying to piss of France?!
The full theatrical trailer for Disney’s upcoming remake of Beauty and the Beast was released, and it looks absolutely stunning. (It’s just a shame that it doesn’t sound it.)
Mirroring scenes from the original animated classic, we see Belle, a small, fragile human beating off wild wolves with a twig, and the Beast chatting about all of the books he read Which is obviously a lie to get into her pants. As if he could turn one single page without ripping it out with his huge, hairy sausage fingers.
And while the cast seems perfect – including Emma Watson, Dan Stevens and Luke Evans – you’d be correct for just leaving the cast as seeming perfect.
There’s no denying it that Ewan McGregor is a good actor, with his filmography ranging from Trainspotting to Moulin Rouge!, so when he was cast in Beauty and the Beast, I was ecstatic. Who’d he play? The wise, elderly clock, Cogsworth? The rascally sidekick, LeFou? Or the famously French-speaking character?! That – that makes perfectly logical sense.
Why would you want to hire Vincent Cassel, Jean Reno or Jean Dujardin, when you could have Scottish actor Ewan McGregor on board? Authenticity. Check.
I get goosebumps when I hear Ariana Grande and John Legend’s gorgeous rendition of the titular theme song; I leap up off of my chair when Gaston shout’s “Kill the beast!”, and my toes curl the wrong way when Ewan warbles “‘Ello” like a GCSE French student on a day-trip to Calais. (Also, that student has no tongue.)
I’m basing this solely on the three minute trailers that have been released so far, but if the entire movie features a weird Mexican-sounding McGregor, honest-to-God, I will collect several rakes, a plethora of pitchforks, and I will lead a march to kill the candlestick.
Beauty and the Beast, in all of it’s dodgy accent glory, is released in cinemas on 16 March 2017.