It seems like, in this world of coronavirus, that there’s only one possible cure – and I’m not talking about Trump’s suggestion of injecting disinfectant as a treatment. What a twat.

Instead, I’m simply stating that we could, y’know, do with some magic. (It’s quite a tenuous link, but bare with me.)

So it was handy that I caught up with Fantastic Beasts star, Dan Fogler, ahead of the release of his new indie flick, The Argument.

Whilst Dan is currently in the UK, as he is set to return to the set for the third Fantastic Beasts film in October, I caught up with him and wanted to get all of the juice on the upcoming film. And it was even easier than saying “Accio spoilers”.

Sigh. I’m such a nerd.

In a shameless attempt for clickbait, I asked the Balls of Fury actor to play Two Truths, One Lie, giving me statements about the third film in the Fantastic Beasts franchise. However, I understood that JK Rowling was probably monitoring us with heat-sensitive equipment, so I gave him the opportunity to just tell me anything about the movie; even if they were all false.

Having spotted the Niffler Funko POP behind me, Dan suggested that they were actually the film’s antagonist, and that inside their pouches was an inter-dimensional wormhole. I know it sounds farfetched, but remember, this is the same franchise that made you forget that Roger Lloyd-Pack could act in other things; not just as Trigger in Only Fools and Horses.

Dan then using the current climate as inspiration, and claimed that all of the characters would be wearing PPE, as 1920s New York had already, apparently, suffered an outbreak similar to coronavirus. He similarly said that one of Newt Scamander’s titular beasts would be based on the COVID-19 tests, and have arms and legs made of swabs, which would attack by shoving them into your orifices. (Good luck to Oscar-winner, Eddie Redmayne, in attempting to make this look good.)

I spoke to Dan quite a bit about the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, and he was also keen on seeing a fan favourite return to the Fantastic Beasts movies, after it was rumoured that Hagrid could get a cameo role.

“I always thought about that. I love Hagrid. Who doesn’t love Hagrid?” said Dan. “There was a moment there where he’s on a date with [Madame Maxime], and he’s talking about ‘Well, my mother was a giant, and my father was a wee little man,’ and I started thinking ‘What if [Jacob] was his adopted father?”

Dan imagined that Hagrid’s mother turned to Newt, asking him to care for her baby, only for him to suggest that Jacob Kowalski does it. “I thought that would be a fun connection there.”

Even if we don’t see that in the movie, I’m currently writing it as a screenplay. I’m sure JK won’t mind me using her intellectual property to profit from, will she?!